So, I’m sitting at my desk awaiting Ashton Kutcher’s arrival. Seriously. He just has to be out in a van parked in my school’s parking lot, just listening for a reaction.

The clock on the wall doesn’t work. One of my students took it down and set it on the first day of class, but it still doesn’t work. Before, I thought the battery was dead, but now I think I know the truth. Ashton’s up to his shenanigans. It must be rigged with a camera to listen and see my reactions.

Well, at least part of the joke’s on him. I lost my voice, so he wouldn’t be hearing anything. But then, no one’s even stopped to ask me anything for me to say anything, anyway. I can explain.

It all started about an hour ago. One of my co-workers peeked in my classroom and asked if my class was over. Well, seeing as though I was the only one sitting in the classroom, one would only assume, right? But, I suppose she reached that conclusion on her own because she left before I could grunt out an audible response.

Then, the next thing I knew, two women came into my room with boxes and bags of sodas and food.

“We’re just leaving this for a bridal shower,” one woman told me and left before I could labor to get out any questions.

Whatever, I shrugged. Just as long as it’s not in the way when my students come tonight.

But then, as I continued on with my work, two more people came in dropping off stuff, and then more people came in with streamers, flowers, and balloons.

So, for the last two hours, my classroom has turned into a party scene without anyone saying anything to me or even stopping long enough to notice that I can’t talk.

Apparently, this seems to be something the whole school’s known about, yet no one’s even as much as mentioned it to me.

I’m surrounded by chips, chicken wings, cake, and pizza in my room, yet I’m not even a part of the celebration. When nobody’s looking, I should fill my purse up with wings. Take that, Ashton. Won’t that make for good footage?

But I’m not going to touch the pizza. See, two students of mine are extremely ill, and I was just about to sanitize that desk—the one with the pizza and all on it—where my one student was sitting at before he dashed out of the classroom to vomit.

Well, you’d better hurry, Ashton. I’m clocking out in five minutes…

It’s time for me to leave now, Ashton. Where are you? Haven’t I been Punk’d?