I couldn’t quite master the elliptical the other day.

Last week, I started taking personal training sessions. Although it’s hard work and I don’t have too many good thoughts about my training going through my head when I’m actually in my sessions (but she’s really sweet), I’m really excited about it. I’m excited about the end results. If I do all I’m supposed to do, I’ll have my smoking hot body back in just a few months. Well, truth be told, my body will never quite be what it once was because you can never quite go back to the way things used to be.

“Go forward!” Jody, my training, kept encouraging me as she was adjusting all of the levels and whatever on the machine.

But it took me the longest time to get the hang of it. I don’t know why, but I kept cycling backwards. For some odd reason, going backwards just seemed so much easier. Yet, it wasn’t getting me anywhere…

That much it seems can be said about life.

Lately, I’ve wanted to do nothing more than just pack up my bags and go home. I’m just tired of continually forcing myself to put on a bright smile when this dark cloud of loneliness keeps following me around.

I’ve always been one to roll with the punches and make lemonade and all that other stuff they always say to do when faced with adversity. But sometimes it’s just hard to do. Some days I just want to stop fighting back tears and have someone there to lean on and tell me it’s OK. Some days I just want to be myself and not have to work so hard to try to make friends. I just want people to like me for all of the good and the bad. I had that at home.

So, why did I ever leave? 

Yet, as much as I want to just head back some days, I know I can’t. I can’t go backwards. There’s no growth in that.

And things have changed. People have moved on, gotten married, fallen out of friendships, created new friendships, and passed away.

So, I’ll just keep moving forward. There is progress to be made. And if I keep moving toward the horizon, one day the sun will rise ahead of me.